Father's Day

Today is the day many sons and daughters get together with their fathers. Today is also a day I would rather just pretend didn't exist.

My birth father is a total douchbag. He was a useless father. He taught me nothing but anger and how to hate. He was an alcoholic and was very verbally and physically abusive.

Just how drunk was he? He would drive home drunk from parties and family events and I would have to hold the steering wheel to keep him from veering off the freeway. I would also have to try to keep him from passing out at the wheel. No kid should have to do this from the passenger seat.

He also beat me. I remember being 4 or 5 years old and wetting my pants at daycare because I had kidney problems. My father would beat me for it and threaten to put me in a foster home.

The abuse went on for years. He told me I was no good, that I was a loser, that I would never be anybody. He made me feel like the biggest piece of shit on earth. He took every little bit of self-esteem I had and stripped it away from me.

The man is a total dick. He has money. He owns real estate, several houses and apartment complexes. His son is homeless and on dialysis and he could give a shit.

He thinks he is better than everyone when in reality he just puts up a false front. He abuses his immediate family but treats his friends and extended family like gold.

He's just an uneducated fuck that probably hates himself so much he has to belittle people. I despise anyone that abuses children. He's still at it. He hasn't learned his lesson. He abuses my little sister to this day, so bad she is in and out of mental institutions. He's just a piece of shit. I would love to knock his block off. If I get my health back and that man ever comes near me I just might punch his fucking lights out.

I'm not completely blaming my lousy upbringing on my parents. I have to take control of my own life. But you cannot deny not having a positive adult role model in a child's life shapes that child into who they become.

There are some people that should have never had kids. My parents are worthless human beings. I look forward to the day I get the news that they fucking die. I don't feel that way about anyone else on this earth. They are just soulless fucking people.


Father's Day sucks. All this commercialism and shoving this garbage down our throats. I have an idea, how about people earn the right to be called a "father." This man will never be known as a father to me. Just the biggest piece of shit I have ever met.

Sign of the Times

If you are going to panhandle you're going to have to come up with a clever sign. Or maybe not. In all honestly, it hardly matters what you write on your sign. A lot of people don't even read your sign, and still give you money. I've heard stories of panhandlers just holding a blank piece of cardboard and STILL raking in the money.

Maybe you still want to be clever or funny. There's some good signs that I've seen. I prefer not to be too clever or funny because it doesn't really matter, and I don't want someone taking my picture and posting it on the web if I can help it.

One thing you might want to consider is should you ask for money? Some panhandlers believe the police can't give you a ticket if you are not asking for cash. In my experience this is hogwash. As long as you are accepting donations from people or vehicles cops can and will find a way to ticket you if they really want to.

Here's a few of my favorite signs that I've seen:

Gas Can Scam

I was visiting a friend's panhandling blog and a woman wrote a comment about people that panhandle at gas stations. She wanted to know if these guys are legit or just pulling a fast one. I can tell you from experience that 99% of the time this is a scam.

There are guys that do this for a living. They actually drive from gas station to gas station hitting people up for gas money. What they want is money. They don't actually want gas. Let me give you an example. There was this kid I used to panhandle with. We got busted a couple of times for holding a sign too close to the off-ramp. He told me about this gas station scam so I rode along with him a couple of times.

Like I said, he didn't want gas. There were people that would offer to fill up his tank. (This is when gas was somewhat reasonable.) If his tank wasn't empty he would get caught in his lie. There were times when all people would do is offer gas, no cash, and the tank would get full quickly. This would put him in awkward spot if he asked someone for gas money and they offered to give him a few gallons. He would just drive away.

I tried this a few times but the gas station scam was never my thing. It's kind of like cold-calling. I couldn't deal with the rejection. Some people would flip out on me! I also didn't like lying. At least with holding a sign you can choose to give or not give. I'm not in your face.

There are obvious advantages to panhandling at the gas station. You are not a sitting duck. You can hit gas stations at peak hours and move along quickly. If someone tells you to leave or threatens to call the cops you can just move to the next gas station or town. When you are holding a sign you are a sitting duck. The cops can see what you are up to from a mile away. I'm also pretty sure you can make a lot more money doing the gas station scam. That is if you have the balls to pull it off.

I knew a heroin addict that claimed he could make $250 in just a few hours doing the gas can scam. I don't know if it's true but I did see a girl do it one day and she had over $100 in bills she was sorting through in her lap in a car.

If you see a van full of kids claiming to be out of gas, this is a ruse too. My friends and I used to pull this when we were teenagers and needed beer money.

Bottom line, don't fall for it. Once in a blue moon there might be an honest person that really is stranded and out of gas but most of the time this is how they are making a living. If you really want to help someone out, offer to give them gas. Have them pull their car up and you pump the gas. Believe me, if they are lying and their tank is full they will just drive away. If you put $10 on their pump they will pretend they are pumping gas and as soon as you drive away they will go back inside and get the change back.

Verify their story, use common sense, and use your gut instinct, and you won't fall this scam.

Cold Hard Cash

OK, I'm going to be honest here. You've probably already guessed that the guy holding the sign wants cold hard cash and not food. Yet time and time again people give out food. Let me tell you why that's not such a good idea.

Most homeless people aren't starving. The only homeless people that are going hungry are the ones that aren't resourceful enough to find food. If a guy is holding a sign he's probably pretty resourceful.

There is food everywhere. People hand it out in parks, in soup kitchens, in churches, almost anywhere. Sometimes it isn't easy to get food but if you are hungry enough it can be found. You might have to hop on a bus or make it to a church by a certain time but food is plentiful.

When I'm panhandling I can't tell you how often people will give me food. A little bit of food is OK but sometimes people will give me so much stuff I can't even carry it all and if a few people give me food it always works out that even more people will give me food. It gets to a point where I carry a big backpack just to carry all the food and even that isn't big enough!

I try to never do it unless I have to, but most panhandlers I know will just throw the food in the bushes. The food is nothing more than a burden to them. If it is a really good food they might share it but most of the time it will just pile up with all the other liter on the sidewalk and in the bushes. The only times I  do this is when I don't have a choice, I have no way of carrying the extra food and I can't find anyone to give it way to.

If you really must give food instead of money try gift certificates. I know for me those will get used and I could easily carry them and use them later on when I get hungry. McDonald's gift certificates work great because there's a McDonald's on every corner and it's cheap. It's not the healthiest of options but it's better than your food going to waste.

I always like bottled water as long as it is cold. Not to be picky but when it's 100 degrees outside and someone hands me a bottle of water out of their trunk I have to roll my eyes. At least make sure the water is suitable for drinking!

I also don't want your half-eaten leftovers from the restaurant you just got done eating at. Sorry, but I don't know what diseases you have or what someone may have put in it. I'm never so hungry that I'm going to eat your half-eaten cheeseburger!

The same can be said for the little baggies of toiletries and goodies that people make up for the homeless. These are great at first but I must of collected 30 razors, 50 pairs of socks, countless sticks of deodorant, and a million toothbrushes. At some point I just have to throw that little baggie away and I feel bad about that.

Should You Give to Panhandlers?

Should you give to panhandlers? You might be surprised my answer is probably NOT. This is advice coming from a panhandler himself.

I'm not saying you should never give. I'm going to share my insider knowledge so that you know that if you give your money isn't likely going to booze or drugs.

90% of panhandlers only want cash so they can feed their addictions. A lot of panhandlers started panhandling because of their addictions. They can't hold down a regular job. They need fast money. These guys ruin it for the people that really do need help.

So how can you be sure you are giving to the 10% that really need help and they are not going to spend your hard earned money on booze or drugs? There are a few things you have to watch out for. Some are obvious, some not so much.

If you see a panhandler staggering, slurring his speech, shaking, talking way too fast, or talking way too slow, there is a good chance he/she is either high or drunk. That's pretty obvious. But sometimes panhandlers can hide it well or may be sober, for the moment.

The best thing you can do is take the time to talk to the panhandler. I know this means pulling your car over, or taking 10 minutes out of your day, but this is you're hard earned money your giving someone right?

The first thing you should do is offer to buy the panhandler lunch or a sandwich. If the panhandler is truly legit and in need he will probably graciously accept your offer. If he's just looking for a quick cash handout he will decline your offer 9 times out of 10. I guarantee it.

Taking a person to lunch makes them feel like you truly care. Take 10 or 15 minutes and listen to their story or just shoot the shit. You will gain a lot of insight into why they are panhandling and what they may need. If after you eat with them you feel like giving them a few dollars at least you will feel good knowing it's really going to help someone and not just enabling an addict.

If you don't have time to sit down and eat a quick lunch you can always just offer to buy them a coffee or at the very least just talk to the panhandler for a few minutes before giving any money.

Believe me, if people did this it would eliminate some of the scam artists and addicts out there. You can tell a lot about a man if you just listen to his story for a few minutes.

Should Panhandling Be Illegal?

There are a lot of people that would like to see panhandling completely go away, and in some places it already has. Even in places where panhandling isn't "illegal" cops will find ways to run panhandlers out of town or arrest them for other crimes, made-up or real.

Let's face it, most people don't like panhandlers because of their own insecurities. Sure, it looks bad, but is it really bothering anyone? I agree that aggressive panhandling should go away. Nobody needs to be harassed for their money. My only issue with laws banning aggressive panhandling is the interpretation of what's aggressive and what's not. If a cop wants to be an asshole then he can exaggerate the situation and allege that someone is being aggressive when they're really not. It's a slippery slope.

If someone is simply holding a sign and being perfectly polite I don't see that as aggressive panhandling. If a guy can hold a sign advertising a sandwich shop or other goods or services then why can't a homeless person hold a sign?

Back when I was on the East Coast I seen panhandlers holding signs while trying to intimidate drivers. They will actually walk right up to a car and nearly put their sign in the driver's face while glaring at them. I would never give this type of panhandler money. That just makes people even more afraid than they already are. Why would they even want to roll down their window when it looks like you are going to rob them?

There are also other panhandlers that do not take a no for an answer or if you give them a dollar or two they will act insulted and ask for more. That's aggressive panhandling and it's wrong. You need to always be grateful for whatever someone gives you. People don't owe you anything. I have been giving a small handful of change that didn't add up to more than 20 cents and I didn't throw it back or insult the person helping me out. The aggressive, rude panhandlers give us all a bad name and need to be taken off the streets or get their act together.

I remember a story Adam Carolla told about a panhandler he encountered in LA. Adam rolled down his window and gave this guy holding a sign $10. The panhandler looked at the money then looked back at Adam and said, "Hey, you're that guy on TV! You can afford to give me more than $10! Come on man!"

Adam replied, "Sure I COULD afford to give you a $100,000 if I wanted to but I'm not going to do that!"

Unfortunately there are many stories about aggressive panhandlers. I hope the police will keep these types in check without making it all go away. You really don't want panhandling outlawed completely.

If panhandling were to be completely outlawed you are going to see crime increase dramatically. People will do things out of desperation to get money. Drugs users and alcoholics will find other ways to get money fast. Property crime will rise. Violent crime will increase. As a society we will be paying more to lock these guys up and most of them will be released right back onto the streets again.

Banning panhandling won't eliminate it. Robbing a bank is against the law yet it still happens every day. Because panhandling is a very minor crime, and in most cases a citable offense, you will see the courts tied up dealing with these infractions even when the average homeless guy doesn't have any money to pay the fines and/or court costs. When the fines don't get paid the panhandler eventually ends up in jail. Now you have jails that are already overcrowded filling up with homeless guys that can't pay simple fines. To hold one inmate in jail for 24 hours cost taxpayers on average $168 a day! That doesn't even include the costs of processing and booking the inmate each time he/she gets arrested. Now you have an officer being taken off the street and another more serious crime is probably going to be committed easily.

Now if you want to pay a lot more in taxes and hire more officers and really make our country a police state then this plan to stop panhandling might work. But our government is already going bankrupt. We are already paying  many officers over $100K a year because of overtime. Is this REALLY the answer?

Panhandling will never completely go away anyways. Most likely the panhandler will just move to a different location. I know panhandling looks bad. It's an eyesore. Most people don't want to be reminded of what could happen to them. Other people want to pretend homelessness doesn't exist. It's more of a personal issue. One person might see a panhandler and be happy that even though life is tough at the moment, it isn't THAT tough, it could always be worse. It helps some people. Another person just wants it to go away because quite frankly it scares the shit of them or it just looks bad. It's all perspective.

If you really want panhandling to go away there is only one real answer, don't give your money to us. As long as there are people willing to give there will always be panhandlers. Nobody is going to hold a sign all day if they aren't getting any money. Until that well runs dry, society is going to have to deal with it.

The Panhandler Tax

In some places panhandling is illegal or cops have found ways to use other traffic laws to try to eliminate panhandlers. Let me explain why this doesn't work.

Some panhandlers might get scared off after one ticket or a couple encounters with the police. This type of panhandler probably hasn't been doing it long. He's an amateur. A professional panhandler knows that this is inevitable. It comes with the territory.

Most panhandlers aren't scared of a ticket or even arrest. Most look at it like it's a tax for doing business.

I'll use my experience in Southern California as an example. I didn't get harassed by the police every day. Sometimes I went weeks without encountering a officer. I was always aware of my surroundings and made sure to limit my exposure to the police as much as possible. Inevitably though I would get stopped every so often. Most of the time I would get a warning. If it was an officer I had already dealt with a few times I might get a ticket.

The ticket was for panhandling within 500 feet of a freeway. The fine was $277. If I get the ticket in September I have at least 2 months before I have to go to court or pay the fine. Toward the end of my 2 months I go to the court clerk and ask for an extension. I believe I could get at least 2 extensions. By playing the game I am now in December or January before I even have to go before a judge.

When I finally do see a judge I can either get the ticket reduced or thrown out. I can also opt for something they call "homeless court" in Orange County. If all else fails I might have to pay the $277 for the ticket at which time I can set up payment arrangements or just sit out the fine in jail.

This is the tax for doing business. It's a risk most of us are willing to take because the money we make is good enough to risk the small punishment.