Alcohol

Let me just say something. I hate alcohol. I mean fucking hate it with a passion. Alcohol is so fucking overrated. I have seen it destroy lives, marriages, careers, health, and put grown men on the streets and keep them there. I have seen men die from alcoholism. Not to mention my dad is an alcoholic. Don't get me wrong, I've had my days where I drank but grew tired of that scene real quick. I hate the way I felt the next day and it seems the older you get the harder it is to recover. If you try to drink your problems away, don't worry, your problems will be waiting for you when you sober up. It just makes no sense to me.

Now I am not against everyone drinking and I don't look down upon it. Do what you want. This is a free country. I am just against the chronic drinking. Last night I bumped into an old friend I met a while back here in Laguna Beach. I just saw him 2 weeks ago and he seemed to be doing well. He was working and getting his life together. He had over 2 years of sobriety. Let me just say I didn't even recognize him last night. He had a beard and looked tore up. He obviously had been drinking. So I started talking to him and he tells me the doctor gave him 12 months to live. He has liver cancer. He has painful sores all over his feet and hands. This blew me away.

So my friend basically said "Fuck it" and decided to drink since he's dying anyways. I hung out with him last night and as much as I feel sorry for him it was rough watching an intelligent man really start to lose his mind. That's another thing about alcohol. Alcohol can completely change a person's behavior to where you barely know who they are. I have seen perfectly sane people get drunk and do the stupidest and craziest shit ever. Anyways, he started stumbling into the street and tried to get cars to hit him. He said he wanted to die and get it over with. I had no idea what to tell him because I'm not in his shoes. I have no idea what must be going through his head, I can only imagine. I tried my best to tell him that his kids want him around and that people care about him. That's all I really could say. I didn't want to get all religious on him and throw that in his face. I didn't think that at that moment it was the best time. He was off in his own world and I'm not sure if he'll even remember a word I said but I tried.

This morning I was almost pissed off. Not really at him, I just can't be around the heavy drinking anymore. I can't stand seeing someone I care about throw everything away. Like I said, I feel for him but none of us are guaranteed anything anyways. We still have to live the best life possible. Even if he does die within the next 12 months, why spend his remaining days in a constant fog? Why not make this last year the best he possibly can? I'm not in his shoes. I'm just venting.

I can't drink. I have a serious kidney problem and alcohol only makes it worse. If I continued to drink I may end up on dialysis But health scares don't phase true alcoholics. Another guy I know on the beach just got out of the hospital because he fell and cracked his head open. His blood alcohol level was .616! What's fucked up is that isn't even his record. He had an alcohol level much higher a few years ago and almost died. He went into cardiac arrest. But that didn't even stop him. I don't get that. You see guys on the beach die and you almost die and you continue to drink. You continue to throw your life away. I have come to the conclusion that nobody will change unless they really want to change deep down inside.

For now, the thought of consuming alcohol just makes me want to vomit!